Agony Aunt
A selection of questions and answers from the Agony Aunt column in Vodafone Live.
You are invited to send in your own questions but please keep in mind that due to the large volume of questions, not all can be answered. If you submit a question, and it is answered, your name will be shown so if you wish to remain anonymous, please let me know and I'll keep it private. I occasionally give private readings but can also recommend other professional astrologers who might be more experienced with a particular enquiry, i.e., medical and financial questions. Astrologers are not allowed to diagnose illness,however, there are many astrologers who also hold other relevant qualifications.
Starsign: Leo
Sex: Male
Comments: Im getin married on the 3/9/05 but im starting to think its a bad idea i know its just nerves because i love my partner very much and cant imagen life without her but id like to know if the marriage will work. My date of birth is 9/8/82 my partner is called hannah and was born on 17/12/85 please can you help settle my nerves thanks
A. It's quite natural to have these feelings of pre-wedding apprehension, and yours are perhaps made worse by the position of planet Neptune in relation to your sun - in a word, it shows confusion. You said yourself that you love your partner very much and cannot imagine life without her - that's the basis for a beautiful marriage. Depending on what your belief system is, you must also keep in mind that marriage is not just between two people; some people believe that a heavenly force is at work and has brought you together; therefore, you must not just honour and respect one another but also the binding force between you - love. The 3rd of September is the day of a new moon. Astrologically speaking, there are more propitious moments for marriage. Saturday is obviously a very traditional day to marry, and I'm sure it will work out fine, but if it's not too late, the 6th of September looks even better.
Starsign: Leo
Sex: Female
Comments: Ive been seein a bloke recently that i realy like but i dont no if hes jus usin me av wrote 2 u b4 bout this but stil aint had reply weneva we meet up all he seems interestd in is sex.i recently had an abortion from a previous relationship so dnt want 2rush in 2 anything. he was born in january 1983 is it worth pursuin or shud i move on x
A. You have to follow your feelings - if you like the guy, then go for it, and being interested in sex is quite normal and natural, so don't knock it! The issue here is whether or not you are willing to stand up for yourself. You'll undoubtedly want to be loved for who you are, not what you are - you need to show that. You're learning to set your boundaries in a firm but gentle kind of way. As a Leo, you'll undoubtedly want to call the shots, but you must also allow others to have their say, too. You're right to try and take things slowly considering your recent experience, but not so slowly that you're not moving, so go into it gradually and make your position clear. If he's willing to match your pace, that's great, if not, you'll know to move on.
Starsign: Gemini
Sex: Female
Comments: I was sexually abused as a child of 7 years old and suffer from depression as a result i have been seeing a psychologist but its triggering all the painful memories and ive had suicidal thoughts should i stop having therapy
A. You should definitely continue to see someone if you are feeling depressed. You need to know that there is hope, and there is a way to get to the bottom of your issue and live a life that is free of the pain and angst connected to such a horrific past. It will always be there, but you will find a way of living with it once you are able to heal those wounds by learning to love and nurture the little girl inside of you who lives in terror. If you are having suicidal thoughts you need to contact someone immediately, such as the Samaritans. They can be reached on... In the meantime, it's important to be able to make a distinction between a therapist who is taking you into a painful memory in order to transform your feelings whilst also holding you through intense discomfort, and someone who is perhaps colluding with your own thoughts and feelings about it but being somewhat ineffective at change. If you don't feel that you're getting through it with the person you're with now, by all means find a different therapist, but remember that it is always darkest before dawn - you will see the light; it's in the stars!
Starsign: Cancer
Sex: Female
Comments: What it is that i've been spendin alot of time with one of my best friends and i'm startin to have sexual feelings towards her i dont think i'm gay.is it just a phase?
A. The chart for your question shows your confusion and anxiety. It's definitely a good thing that you've been able to identify such feelings, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you are either gay or not gay. There's no doubt that you have particularly strong feelings with your moon in Scorpio and a Venus-Mars connection, so passion and drama will play a large part of your romantic life. You might want to explore these feelings further by imagining what it would be like to live as a gay woman. Take it all the way - in your heart and mind only to begin with. This should give you an answer, and if it means that you spend a period of your life being either one or the other, you will be living in truth. You can always change your mind later on. In any case, don't ever fear being who you really are.
Starsign: Virgo
Sex: Male
Comments: i dont get on with my partners daughter and i have not found the happy balanced life i've sort after for so long i'm 45 this year and i feel i would b better off on my own what do u think?
A. Partners' children can make a relationship difficult, but they're not the reason why you entered into the partnership in the first place, and nor should it be the reason why you leave it. So although it's difficult, you should perhaps ask yourself what it is in you that's also contributing to the difficulty - are you finding it hard being overshadowed by a youngster? That's what the chart for your question suggests. Needless to say, children need guidance and loads of attention, and contrary to leaving, perhaps if you took a more active role in parenting her you might find that the whole situation turns around for both of you. Your moon in Aries indicates quite an active inner child, and it would be wise to try to join in the team rather than trying to beat it, while finding other ways to nurture your inner needs. No one really wants to be alone - it's a defence, and you're in a good position to come to realise how much you are also needed and wanted.
Starsign: Sagittarius
Sex: Male
Comments: I am desperate to move home. Away from Nasty neighbours from Hell. But everything I do is Blocked. I have no money, which doesnt help & I am becoming more depressed as each day passes. Please can you give me some advice as to what I can do ?. Thankyou.
A. It looks like a very challenging situation, but it won't be impossible to manage. The chart for your question suggests a move, and although this is unlikely to happen in the immediate future, it could happen in as little as 6 months. The indication is to get help from the council - perhaps you've already approached them. You must try to keep looking for the solution rather than go over what has been done and listing the ongoing strife. They'll know what the story is, if you've complained before, so now you need to help them to help you take steps in a more positive direction; it will happen. You can let them know that the trouble is still happening but try to focus on a result rather than amplify the current dilemma. Your conditions are tough but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Age: 35
Starsign: Aries
Sex: Male
Comments: I hate my job will get another i know i have a talent for drawing cartoons i feel like im trapped
A. The chart for your question seems to describe your situation well. You are artistic and talented, but stuck in a job you hate. There is a way through and it will involve getting advice from someone in the field of work that you'd seek, such as an agent. An opportunity is coming your way in November and then a big change is coming up in January 2006, and it would help you greatly to start making enquiries now and begin to make moves in the direction that you hope to be working in.
Age: 16
Starsign: Cancer
Sex: Female
Comments: Hi i am very worried about my sixteen yr old daughter she iz very depressed and has cuts all over her wrists i dnt know how to approach her she was born on 300689 at 350pm please help
A. The relationship between mother and daughter is multi-layered - full of love and understanding, as well as conflict and power struggle. The one ingredient that can hold you together is some form of communication. You're going through times of change with the transformative influence of planet Pluto triggering a powerful process. You're aware that your daughter could very easily live a life from now as a woman in her own right, and it's not easy to let go. You'll feel as if you're being made redundant and yet still want to impose all of your cautions and cares onto her, and at the same time, let her go. On the other hand, she is just beginning to make her own decisions, and there's bound to be a need to rebel against authority. She's quite capable of living as an adult, and she needs to be trusted to do this, but she still needs your guidance. It would help to seek some form of counselling together - not through force, but perhaps by suggesting that you want to maintain your relationship with her in such a way that's agreeable to you both, and to give you both the freedom and understanding that you both undoubtedly seek. Broach the subject delicately, and let her know that you love and care for her as well as respect her for her courage to enter into this new phase of life. She will be fine, and so will you.
Age: 27
Starsign: Scorpio
Sex: Male
Comments: I have dreams of being a singer but it seems thats all it is going to be as it doesnt seem to matter how much talent u have these dayz.its more like who u know!should i give up?
A. Your birth chart indicates the vision, ambition, talent as well as the kind of magnetism required to make it in the pop world, but as you've realised, there is more needed than just the personal qualities. It's also more than just who you know, although it cannot be denied that it helps! The chart for your question shows that it is too early to say whether or not you will be a success in this field, however, your birth chart indicates that your Saturn return takes place in exactly two years time, and that will be when you know whether or not it's the thing for you to continue pursuing. The months leading up to that point in the summer of 2007 are likely to be the most revealing - you'll be faced with a number of challenges connected to your career ambitions, as well as opportunity. That's when a decision must be made by you about whether or not to continue. Don't give up too soon..
Age: 24
Starsign: Capricorn
Sex: Female
Comments: I split with my x over a year ago but cant get over it we have together wil we ever get back together
A. You have a series of very helpful transits coming up over the next 6 weeks, which should help you to make sense of the reasons why you're finding it difficult to move on. The chart for your question shows that you are on the cusp of change, and it does not look like anything else will come of the relationship in question. When you've been in love, you know that there's little else that can compare to the elated and healing quality that comes with it, which is why so many people ask about love. The amazing thing is that it's always there, it just cannot always be seen, particularly when the outlook is so thick with fear. The only way to banish that fear is by developing a faith that will eventually overcome it, and that's the journey on which you're about to embark. That doesn't mean that you tell yourself repeatedly that you will get over it, in fact, you're doing the right thing by recognising that you're still hung up on a past relationship. It won't go overnight, but you will gradually come to realise that there is more to come. Love will come your way again, and you only need one, so don't worry about when it will happen - it will. And when it does, you'll be over the past.
Age: 25
Starsign: Libra
Sex: Female
Comments: I am worried about my youngest sons health,should i b should i confront my fears and take him 2 my gp.?
A. Certainly, there are many proficient medical astrologers, indeed, in ancient times, all doctors were astrologers. Hippocrates said that no doctor should practice medicine without a proper knowledge of astrology. Charts drawn up for such questions as yours were called decumbitures. However, when it comes to a child's health, you should not wait a moment longer; if you have worries about your son, go to the GP now!
DOB: 23.03.77. 6pm
Starsign: Aries
Sex: Female
Comments: I have been trying for a baby for many years. I've had surgery for fertility problems and had two misscarriages. Will i ever have a baby?
A. Babies are miracles, and miracles happen all the time. The chart for your question shows that you're at the end of this particular road and that you are now facing the possibility of not having children - a difficult plight for any woman. However, there is a chance for you to take a step back and try to look at the matter from another angle. As an Aries, you are probably used to taking matters into your own hands, taking action and making your own luck. This is one approach to the situation - you've been doing this. Your birth chart shows an interest in spiritual matters, and although I'm not exactly saying that you should turn to God, it wouldn't greatly help your situation to surrender to it and accept whatever destiny the universe has to offer. It's not a matter for words, it's an inner choice. You have a Saturn return coming up, a time where conditions present tough challenges, and it looks like this is the one. You'll have to face the fears between now and mid-October, and allowing for a few fluctuations in your beliefs, this period will continue until July 2006. It's not a time to bury your head in the sand until it's over but instead to assimilate and process what's happening - it will take courage, which you have in bucketloads. Once you have truly accepted your situation, and find yourself willing to carry out what's meant to be, a miracle will happen. It's not easy, but it's not impossible.
Starsign: Gemini
Sex: Male
Comments: i have been homeless for about a yearand a half i have done everything i can nobody takes me for reel because me my age what do i do
A. It's unlikely that you're not being taken seriously just because of your age. Your birth chart reveals a rebellious side, which some people could put down to your age. It looks like a theme/issue that you might want to explore at some point when you are ready. Your chart also shows an ability to delve deeply, reach core issues and express them - it's an ability that many journalists have. You say you've done everything you can, and yet I believe that you can do more. It's sounds like you're at the bottom, and you can go one of two ways: either sideways, or else you can lift yourself out of self-sabotage and self-pity, use that rebellious streak to really ditch what other people might think and do something positive with yourself, like try writing an article from your perspective and send it off to 'The Big Issue'. You can formulate the piece in your head or scratch it down on a piece of paper. Then use an Internet cafe for a minimum period in order to put it through a word processor and perhaps then send it off. If they reject it, try again, try someone else, and again, and when you reach your one hundredth try, keep going.
Starsign: Capricorn
Sex: Female
Comments: Does my boyfriend of four and a half years still love me?
A. Whether you're asking about your boyfriend, future pregnancy, or security factors of any kind, the one thing you must learn is that a feeling of certainty and knowing must begin with you. In reference to your other questions, including this one, your birth chart does not look like there are problems with fertility, but there is an issue with low self-esteem. Although it's a problem that many people suffer from, yours is particularly acute. There's so much more that you could be getting on with in your life, indeed, you have great business acumen combined with brilliant flashes of ingenuity, you have vision, intuition and not least, ambition. And sadly, you have a debilitating fear of not being good enough. You are good enough now, but it may take you some time before you get used to the fact. The Venus-Saturn aspect in your birth chart describes your plight, and the good news is that as you get older you will grow out of it, and life will become more meaningful, but you'll also probably look back at yourself and realise what a beautiful young woman you were with all those worries. Put your focus on you. Start now and look ahead. Use your abundant energy in more practical and productive ways instead of wondering whether or not you're loved enough or being cheated on. Once you turn yourself around, you'll have others chasing after you instead of you chasing after others.
Starsign: Capricorn
Sex: Male
Comments: I was goin out with this girl for 4 years,she ended it almost 2 years ago but i don't seem 2 b over her.i thought time was a healer?
A. Time is indeed a healer, but you also need to take steps in order to pull yourself through this. People often get stuck to the ideal of a romance, and forget about the flaws, and that's not to devalue what you had, but it is over, and you do need to move on, as you are aware. The chart for your question indicates that you are almost there, but you first need to recognise what it was that you gained or learned about yourself in the relationship, and how it might connect to a feeling or event from further back in your life. In other words, you need to make sense of what happened in order to release yourself from it. You are capable of moving on, and you will have another relationship, and it will be free of the issues that developed in the last one, as long as you can identify and assimilate it. One thing to keep in mind is that you cannot control the will of another person, especially a partner. Love needs to be free.